Think of the Children – A Perspective on Same-Sex Marriage


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Before I begin, I want to remind all that the purpose of this blog is to expose people to the various perspectives held by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). My view is not the only one among LDS people, even though Church doctrine will always proclaim that Marriage is between a man and a woman.

This post is about my perspective on the recent Supreme Court ruling to legalize same-sex marriage across the whole United States. I remain firm in my view that Marriage is between one man and one woman. I am concerned that the Court’s ruling has serious negative implications for our country.

My view may be considered “old-fashioned,” especially now, but it is not bigotry. Let me be clear: I do not hate gay people. The definition of bigotry is “intolerance toward people who hold different opinions from oneself,” and I still like people who may disagree with my opinion. In fact, I have both LDS and non-LDS friends of the opposite persuasion — who have overlaid their Facebook profile pictures with a rainbow, posted pro-gay marriage statements, and called June 26 a “happy day.” According to LDS Apostle Elder D. Todd Christofferson, as cited in this Salt Lake Tribune article, Mormons can hold the view that gay marriage is okay without jeopardizing their membership in the Church, as long as they do not advocate against the Church or seek to draw others away from the Church. Although I’m really surprised that some of my LDS friends are celebrating gay marriage, that’s allowed, and by the way, we’re still friends.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on same-sex marriage.

I believe Marriage goes beyond a social statement. Marriage is not about becoming more accepted by society. That is not the point of Marriage.

The “Love Wins” hashtag seems to miss the mark. Certainly, gay people may have love for each other. But Marriage is more than love. As Elder Christofferson said of Marriage, “It has never been just about the love and happiness of adults.” Rather, Marriage is “a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind.”

Marriage is bigger than individual rights and preferences. Marriage is bigger than me, than my spouse, even bigger than the two of us, because Marriage is about Family.

Marriage is the framework for families, the building blocks of society. Study after study shows that Marriage between a man and a woman provides the most ideal setting for raising children. This argument is not new.

The Church forewarns several adverse effects on children everywhere because of same-sex marriage legalization: “erosion of social identity, gender development, and moral character”; no choice in school curricula about sexuality; and “more difficult to engage in wholesome courtships, form stable marriages, and raise another generation imbued with moral strength and purpose.”

In addition, much could be said about the threat same-sex marriage legalization poses to religious freedom: loss of tax-exemptions, loss of church-run adoption agencies, loss of job stability because of disagreeing with same-sex marriage, etc. (For a comprehensive overview of the effects on religious freedom, see the “How Would Same-Sex Marriage Affect Religious Freedom?” section of the Church’s Divine Institution of Marriage document.)

What’s done is done I suppose. So what can I do about it now?

  • Though same-sex couples may be allowed to “marry,” I will teach my children the absolute, God-given truth that Marriage is for a man and a woman. Then, and only then, do sexual relations have God’s approval.

  • I will equally teach my children to be kind, compassionate, and civil to all people. I will educate my children on the viewpoints and issues at hand. They will run into discussions about it, there is no doubt. I will encourage them to stand for truth with confidence and clarity while being tolerant to those with different opinions.

  • I will help my children come to know their loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, Who help us resist temptations and provide strength and stability in a world of shifting values.

  • I will strive to strengthen my own marriage to provide a secure home environment for my children to grow up in. I plan to show by example a happy, healthy heterosexual relationship.

  • I will continue to educate myself about religious freedom and act to protect it. I will vote against and speak out on matters where I feel religious freedom is threatened. Likewise, I will support nondiscriminatory efforts in things like employment opportunities and equal housing (just as protected by Utah state bill 296).

These are my deep-felt convictions. I felt compelled to write, to add my voice to those who proclaim that same-sex marriage has not been unanimously accepted even though it is now legally condoned. I love all people, including gay people, but loving them doesn’t mean I need to support gay marriage.

Note: Some may want to counter my views as expressed here, and you’re welcome to do so. But please keep it civil, or your comment will be removed — not because you disagree, but rather if you are disrespectful (see comments policy on the sidebar).

If you’re interested in some sources that have informed my opinion, see these:

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The Holy Ghost and Education

As I’ve approached my graduation from college, I have found myself reflecting on the education that I’ve attained during the last four years. Specifically, I have thought about which experiences and classes have been the most enriching for me as a person. As I was mentally reviewing the things I remember most from the last four years, I was reminded of a quote by a modern-day prophet. President Joseph Fielding Smith said:

The Spirit of God speaking to the spirit of man has power to impart truth with greater effect and understanding than the truth can be imparted by personal contact even with heavenly beings. Through the Holy Ghost the truth is woven into the very fibre and sinews of the body so that it cannot be forgotten (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols. [1954-56], 1:47-48)

This quote has plenty of applications, but in this context I was thinking about how the Holy Ghost – or the Spirit of God – teaches us truth. My understanding is that the ‘truth’ discussed in this quote (and many, many others like it) is not at all limited to truths regarding religious doctrine. Rather, the ‘truth’ discussed here applies to any type of truth. I believe that this ‘truth’ certainly extends to our education. In other words, I believe that the Holy Ghost can testify of truth taught in a math class, English, biology, physics, etc. I have felt the Spirit many times throughout my studies. Moreover, I find now that the times when I was studying with the Spirit are the times when I best remembered and comprehended what I was studying.

I’m thankful for the role of the Holy Ghost in my education. It has enriched my studies and heightened my abilities on many occasions. I’m thankful that the Holy Ghost testifies of truth – not just of doctrinal truths, but of all truth. I testify that this power is open to anyone who is willing to seek out the truth with an open heart and a contrite spirit.

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Tried and True: The Scientific Method

Any science experiment requires multiple trials in order to test the consistency of results.

So shared BYU Chemistry Professor Jennifer B. Nielson at a BYU Devotional last month. When I heard her explain “experiment” this way and apply this definition to spiritual “trials,” I started to see many applications of this principle: (1) God tests the integrity of our character through repeated “trials,” (2) “experimenting” or acting on God’s word develops faith, and (3) I have seen consistent results in my life when I have “tested” God’s word.

1. We are tested throughout our lives by going through multiple “trials” — testing experiences and hardships. Ultimately, everything we go through is a piece of evidence that proves who are we at our very core — is our heart in the right place? Are the results consistent when the “variables” change? Are we kind to our friends when they ask us a favor and also kind to our own children even when their needs and demands seem overwhelming? Are we willing to pay tithing when we are in a good financial position and also when money is tight? When we realize we have inconsistent results in ourselves (when we have made a mistake), we can repent and resolve to perform better for our next trial – we try again.

2. The prophet Alma in the Book of Mormon invites all to “experiment” – to begin to act on God’s word and test the results (Alma 32). As we put God’s principles to the test in our lives, we develop faith. Jesus described this process too: “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God or whether I speak of myself’ (John 7:17). We can prove it to ourselves to the point that we are able to say we “know for [ourselves] that these things are true” (Alma 5:45-46)

3. My own faith has developed and continues to develop over several “trials” – both the hardship-kind of trial and the testing of God’s word:

    • “Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in his trials, and his troubles, and his afflictions” (Alma 36:3): As I’ve trusted and prayed for God’s help when things seemed overwhelming, He has provided peace and “daily bread” mercies to see me through.
    • “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet” (Psalms 119:105): As I’ve studied scriptures, I have felt light and peace and direction.
    • “Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18): As I’ve asked God’s forgiveness, I’ve felt clean.
    • “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God” (James 1:5): As I have studied and prayed to know if the Book of Mormon is true, if Christ lives, if Joseph Smith was a true prophet, or prayed to know how to respond to parenting predicaments, I have felt direction and enlightenment.

These results are consistent, so I know the principles to be true. Every time I perform the experiments correctly – with a sincere and humble heart, with real intent (Moroni 10:3-5) – the results are consistent. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is the author of absolute truth, and we can know absolute truth over repeated experiments.

How can you experiment today on one of God’s principles? Are you willing to try?


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Shabat Shalom

My Husband and I were recently invited to attend Shabbat services and a Passover dinner with the Jewish community at his school. We started out at the nondenominational chapel on campus that was set up with a partition down the middle. Men sat in the chairs on the right women on the left. On each seat was a paper book with the words to the service in Hebrew on the right, English on the left. The rabbi’s young son stood at the front in his suit and kippah, his beautiful falsetto voice echoing throughout the hall as he led everyone confidently in the worship services. This was not unlike many scenes I witnessed during my semester abroad in Jerusalem. In fact it brought back sweet memories of the culture and people I grew to love and become fascinated with during my time there. I sat next to a girl my age that practiced law downtown. She was cute, accomplished and we immediately hit it off.  Our conversation covered the usual get to know you questions but somehow shifted into how our religions are similar.

I mentioned my time in Jerusalem and how learning about the ancient world was not only eye opening but very validating as a “devout” Christian. It was amazing to me how almost everything anciently in some way revolved around religion whether that was mono or polytheistic.  And that for thousands of years the rituals involved was part of the way of life and played a role in major historical landmarks.  Her eyes widened as she nodded in agreement and said “yes! I totally feel the same” We then began to discuss the prevalent modern day mindset of keeping things agnostic or even atheist. How it is relatively new and our unfamiliarity with ritual worship causes us to see it as something scary.  We totally understood each other for a moment and felt the thrill of meeting a stranger who shares your unique perspective.

We spent the rest of the evening with her helping me follow along in the Hebrew text of the Shabbat services and giggling over silly things like when I made a fool out of myself by standing at the wrong time. But here we were two women who didn’t even believe in the same God, nonetheless we both had conviction about our faith and found comradery in each other’s religious dedication.  It inspired me to reach out more to those around me and buoy them up in their beliefs. Heaven knows we need each other as the world grows more and more unfamiliar in and uninterested with religion as a whole.

This experience that evening was topped off by our interaction with the Rabbi. He oversees all of the Jewish services and facilitates the Jewish community in and around Harvard. He patted us both on the back and excitedly declared “We need to have you over for dinner! We need friends like you guys!” Now I’m not sure what “like you guys” referred to but his tone was unmistakable. He displayed not only openness but a yearning for more exchange between devout people. Like I said, we NEED each other!

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Easter is a Big Deal

For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), Easter is a big deal. After all, Christ’s atonement, death, and resurrection are central to the Church’s teachings. It is because of Christ that everyone will be resurrected, that we can be forgiven of our sins, make positive changes in our lives, have access to God’s blessings and grace, find strength to face life’s challenges, and have inner peace no matter what happens to us. It is all because of Him.

How do we Mormons traditionally celebrate such a significant holiday? Primarily, we attend our regular worship services, including sacrament meeting, on Sunday. Easter Sunday is very similar to every other Sunday with hymns, prayers, speakers, and the administration of the sacrament (when we reflect on Christ’s sacrifice and renew baptismal covenants as we partake of bread and water – symbolic of Christ’s body and atoning blood). On Easter Sunday, the hymns and speakers have an Easter focus, and I think many find the sacrament to be especially meaningful to them that day. Some families come to church in new Easter clothes, some families will have had an Easter egg hunt and received goodies from the “Easter Bunny,” some families will have a special Easter dinner – but those things are up to each family and are not official Church traditions.

Other than Easter Sunday services, though, Mormons do not have traditional ways of observing Holy Week as many other Christian churches do. Christ’s suffering and death means everything to us, but culturally we focus much more on Resurrection morning. Honestly, I kind of wish that as a Church we officially observed Good Friday because reflecting on Christ’s suffering and death provides such meaningful joy at His resurrection. (I think this opinion falls into the category of what interfaith proponent Krister Stendahl from Harvard Divinity School called “holy envy” – finding elements of other faiths to admire and emulate.)

And yet, Easter is a holiday that is at least as big of a deal to us as Christmas is. Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the Church, surmised, “There would be no Christmas if there were no Easter.” Ultimately, we celebrate Christmas because Christ fulfilled His mission on Earth as the Savior and “drank the bitter cup” – suffered for our sins, died, and was resurrected for us. That is the reason to celebrate both holidays with great rejoicing!

In my opinion, sometimes Easter can be too simple, too candy-and-bunny-focused, and too understated – as “hollow as the chocolate bunnies we devour” (wrote Janet Hales, Mormon author of A Christ-Centered Easter) – if we let it. Easter can come and go as just another date on the calendar if we don’t give it much thought. In the end, Easter Sunday and Holy Week are really what we make of them.

LDS Church leaders have repeatedly emphasized establishing righteous family traditions, particularly those that strengthen our faith in Christ. Easter is a prime opportunity for Christ-centered traditions that draw us closer to Him and to our families.

Just as Christmas Day is the culmination of a month-long season, I have found it meaningful to try to also make a “season” for Easter in my family. I like to start a couple weeks before Easter so we really get in the Christmas Easter spirit (same thing, right?). Some of our “Easter season” traditions mirror favorite Christmas traditions: singing and playing music about the Savior (Handel’s Messiah works for both Christmas and Easter), putting up decorations that remind us of the Savior, planning some family-focused time and activities, giving Christlike service to others, reading parts of the Four Gospels’ accounts of the Savior’s life, reflecting on the Savior and bearing testimonies of Him, offering prayers of gratitude and praise, watching movies about the Savior (such as these Bible Videos), making favorite foods to be enjoyed at a special dinner and/or breakfast, and acting out some parts of the scriptural accounts (such the Triumphal Entry). My family and I also like to follow the events of the Holy Week by reading the corresponding scriptures for each day and doing a related activity (such as visiting an LDS temple on the day Jesus cleansed the temple). Though continually evolving with each year, these Easter traditions have become meaningful to my family, in addition to our worship at Easter Sunday sacrament meeting.

As an interesting side note, this year Easter Sunday falls on the first Sunday in April, which is during the spring General Conference of the Church. Semi-annually, General Conference weekend is broadcast worldwide from Salt Lake City and takes the place of church services. Modern-day prophets and apostles will share messages about Christ and His gospel. To me it seems like a great way to reflect on the Savior on Easter. I’d encourage you to watch it here April 4-5.

Question: What are some ways you make Easter a personally meaningful holiday for you and/or your family?

Challenge: If you haven’t already, begin thinking about how you will honor and reverence Christ during this Easter season. Brainstorm ways to make Easter an especially important time.

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An Eternal Perspective of Special Needs

I was really excited to come across this resource the other day on the website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, geared towards knowing how to include and reach out to those with special needs.

Six months ago, my daughter was diagnosed in the NICU with a brain injury that will have lifelong implications. In common terminology, her injury manifests itself under the all-inclusive/broad term “cerebral palsy.”

Initially, her diagnosis was excruciating to hear as all our dreams and expectations had to change. One of the best sources of hope for me then and now is keeping an eternal perspective of her mortal condition.

She was once, just like all of us, a spirit who dwelt with Heavenly Father prior to birth. Her perfectly formed spirit did not have cerebral palsy then and does not have cerebral palsy now. Her condition is a temporal, or bodily, condition. She needed to come to Earth to receive a body as part of her eternal progression and to learn important lessons here, many of which will be related to the challenges of her temporal condition. The strongest spirits, I believe, often come in the weakest bodies.

Jesus Christ’s resurrection means so much more to me now, and without that hope, my daughter’s situation would be a lot harder for me to accept. I like to think of a butterfly as a symbol for my daughter. Although she is trapped in the cocoon of an imperfect mind, one day she will emerge glorious and perfect into who she really is inside. One day her spirit and her body will be reunited, free from the challenges she experienced on Earth, “restored to [a] proper and perfect frame” (Alma 40:23).


President Packer, president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, shared this insight about people with special needs: “Spirits which are beautiful and innocent may be temporally restrained by physical impediments. If healing does not come in mortal life, it will come thereafter. Just as the gorgeous monarch butterfly emerges from a chrysalis, so will spirits emerge.”

The Spirit has taught me that I, too, am meant to be changed through my experiences with my daughter. Heavenly Father has greater things in store for us than we had planned. His ways and thoughts are higher than my ways and thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).

President Packer said, “If our view is limited to mortal life, some things become unbearable because they seem so unfair and so permanent. There are doctrines which, if understood, will bring a perspective toward and a composure regarding problems which otherwise have no satisfactory explanation.”

For me, those hopeful doctrines include the eternal nature (no beginning and no ending) of the soul, the perfect restoration made possible through the Resurrection, and the enabling power of Christ’s Atonement which gives me strength to confront challenges.

I need the Savior’s grace, His power, on a daily basis to handle the challenges of being a mother. As I actively look for His grace and tender mercies amid the challenges, I realize He is helping me. I know His love has a healing power. When my faith submits to fear and I start to sink into seas of sadness and despair, I need to be like Peter and reach out to Jesus for His sustaining power. Seek His wisdom and guidance, strength, love. Trust His plan for our family and that He will make great things come from this. Easier said than done sometimes, but He is coaching me through it.

Note: I am still learning much about special needs and eternal perspective. I know there are people with more experience and profound insights. If you have something to add, please comment below!

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